I think I'm using all my outrage over Kevin's death - there's not much room for more outrage after that. I had promised myself that I wouldn't be angry with Kevin for dying having seen how he fought to breathe and to reach me before he died.

But the last few days I keep coming to the realization that I'm really mad at him for leaving me alone. I talk to the cat -- who now has no hope of escaping my neurotic tendencies. Kevin was always my balance. I keep wondering what I'm going to do without him.